Wonderstuff

The Curse of the Trilogy: Why Hollywood Loves the Crap Story

2007-05-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

Spiderman 3.

It delivered in its usual schizophrenic, riveting way, and despite clocking in at almost two and a half hours, I was surprised that the heavy amount of subplots and interweaving of characters did not bore, but actually kept me involved. However, if Raimi, Maguire, Dundst and the rest of the cast ever do decide to make a fourth installment, I fear the opening of 4 might need to include a Left Behind-like list of characters in order to keep things straight. But, hey, that's a comic book movie for you, which is yet another reason why Left Behind was absolute crap fiction. If only Jerry B. Jenkins had been more like that Isaac guy on Heroes...

So, thankfully, 3 was not the source of disappointment last night at the cinema. However, I was unable to escape the Edwards without something annoying me (blame it on my cynicism, but I have to chalk this one up to bad filmmaking/storytelling). Thankfully, Spiderman 3 did not commit what I believe is one of the chief sins in movie-making these days. My annoyance came instead from the much anticipated full-length trailer to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. And, you know, as soon as I recognized it, I felt my internal organs gearing up for a short bout of gagging.

The Lord of the Rings is indeed my second favorite movie of all-time (see my profile for the first), and as much of a cinematic blessing I feel Peter Jackson's trilogy was, there is a dark side that swirls around that trilogy, affecting all films during and after its five year production and release. It seems every movie that even remotely displays similar characteristics to an "epic" story now aims at telling that story in trilogy form. Some do it well (Back to the Future, the original Star Wars), others have such an episodic difference between the stories they can hardly be called a true trilogy (The Karate Kid, Spiderman, Mission Impossible, Rambo), and then there are those trilogies that, let's face it, just plain suck (Scream, Star Wars Episodes 1-3, The Matrix). Unfortunately, Pirates seems to be setting sail on a bearing for the latter. In fact, I fear it will become the seafaring equivalent of The Matrix, becoming more and more confusing, existential, and cluttered by CGI. The trailer itself seems to hint that I'm right.

Why must every trilogy become some epic, cinematic barbaric yawp? Why must everyone from children and lions, humans dwelling deep within the earth, mutants, and now pirates make some sort of "last stand" against their enemies? Does anyone remember what made the first Pirates movie good? It was the tightness of the story, the fact that it had a satisfying resolution (devoid of a cliffhanger), and the fact that, when it came out and drew in audiences, no one was immediately thinking the T-word. That thought was only planted in our heads once the film company realized how much money the movie made and realized that movie-goers are suckers for a trilogy. And so, the writers sat down and hammered out a story that they swear they had planned all along. Guess what? That is rarely true in Hollywood. Almost every film is made on a probationary basis - by that, I mean that production companies don't always plan for sequels to original stories unless they have very little doubt the film will succeed. This is why The Matrix and Pirates of the Caribbean did not have a "Part One" tacked onto their name when first released. This is also why the second and third Matrix installments (and, yes, the subsequent Pirates films) had stories that confused and frustrated much more than they entertained.

I am almost positive that Pirates, had they, in the second film, revisited the same formula that worked on the first film, made just as much money as the cliffhanging Dead Man's Chest made - and it wouldn't have pissed so many ticket-buyers off that the story sucked. Things would have been wrapped up, a good romp would have been had by both filmmaker and filmwatcher alike, and if someone had gone out and interviewed people leaving the theaters two summers ago, movie-goers would have responded, "Yeah! I'd love to see another one!"

I guess the root of my laments and questions is this: "Why must we sacrifice the quality of story for the risky rush of a cliffhanger?" In the end, it rarely holds up to original, well-encapsulated stories. I mean, look at Lost, the mother-of-all-cliffhanger television shows. They're losing their audience, not gaining it. Even 24 knows better than to make their season all about the cliffhanger. If anything, most of the plot of the season is resolved by the final episode, and the cliffhanger is only a parlay into the next season. Here's hoping Heroes follows Jack Bauer's lead rather than those lame island-dwellers...

And here's hoping we all, who are so ensorcelled by the power of a good story, will not so easily shirk our principled love of a well-rounded tale for the titillating bedazzlement of a yarn that is ultimately capsizing.

Spitting into the Fray: A Reflection on "The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

2007-03-05T13:57:00.000-06:00

If there is a need to ascribe any statement of certainty toward last night's Discovery Channel premier of The Lost Tomb of Jesus, a docu-drama directed by self-claimed filmmaker/journalist Simcha Jacobovici, I believe most people can at least agree that it was captivating. The doc was produced by Academy Award-winner, James Cameron. If your sketchy on who he is, Cameron is the director of T2 and The Abyss, who followed up these mildly-entertaining films by pouring a record amount of money into making one of the most ridiculous blockbusters of all-time: Titanic, and then, in some sheer act of lunacy on the part of Hollywood and the American public, somehow reaped an astonishing amount of success from such a stinker.

But the person who came out looking the most annoying and groan-inducing was the director himself, Jacobovici. He starred in most of the films dramatic (and that term must be used loosely when viewing the doc) recreations, which he also later called "illustrations." The recreations attempted to show how the director/journalist assisted hired investigators in discovering (or, actually, rediscovering) a lost tomb located under the Talpiot apartment complex in Jerusalem.

The following are some of the claims the docu-drama makes, along with some of my own objections I cannot help but raise.

The “Jesus Family” tomb (under the Talpiot Apartments) is located in Jerusalem, rather than Bethlehem or Nazareth.
Apparently Jesus' mother, Mary, and a few of his brothers, chose to be buried with the brother they themselves claimed rose from the dead. Not necessarily a smart move on their part if they wanted their teachings to last after they themselves passed away, wouldn't you say?

Mary Magdalene is mentioned with more frequency in the canonical gospels than any other woman, therefore it is quite possible the theories of Jesus being married to Mary Magdalene are plausible.
A+B=C according to the doc, but then again, if A doesn't even hold true, how plausible is the equation. I'm pretty sure Mary Magdalene's name does not show up with more frequency than other women, especially Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Mary and Martha of Bethany, to name a few. And, knowing Jesus' ability to forgive, but also his quiet spirit, why wouldn't he go for someone like Mary of Bethany before the girl out of which he supposedly cast seven demons? Which one do you think would be easier to deal with?

The people testing the DNA taken from the “Jesus, Son of Joseph” and “Mariamne” ossuaries are allegedly unaware of whose DNA they are testing.
I wonder, then, what they thought about all the cameras were surrounding them. "Here's a sample we want you run DNA on." "Sure ... um, what's with the camera crew?" "Them? Oh, there just here to capture on film your research and findings." "Oh, okay. I guess that's okay." "Great. Oh, and listen, when you get the results, here is a script with the lines we'll need you to read..."

A cement slab is simply placed over a large hole with a ladder leading down to a pristine-looking ancient wall brandishing a chevron and dot corresponding to a picture in a book.
No one seemed to care about any of this, or where the ladder led, but simply wanted to cover the hole. How likely is this, in a place like Jerusalem, where you can't probably throw a stone without hitting some ancient structure or site? I mean, seriously, even a shepherd boy hanging around the Dead Sea had the foresight to report a suspicious finding.

James, the brother of Jesus, gathered a large following as the “undisputed leader of the Jesus Movement” after Jesus’ death, and took over his ministry.
Whereas James did indeed become one of the leaders of the early Christian movement, he was never considered the "undisputed leader" as the doc narration claims. That title would most closely hold to Peter, Paul, or maybe John.

A cross is allegedly found on the “Jesus, Son of Joseph” ossuary.
This seems strange, as the cross was always considered symbolic of a curse, and as much as many of us ignorantly where crosses around our necks today, marking Jesus' ossuary with the image seems in the same vein as carving an electric chair on the tombstone of a death-row inmate. Talk about kicking a guy when he's down...

In the gospels, Jesus answers his disciples question about what he’s up to (direct words of Jacobovici in one of the documentary's recreation sequences), “Read the Book of Jonah.” He says this after pointing out that a bunch of discarded texts (buried) are found in the tomb under the cement slab. The documentary claims one of them is a book called the Book of Jonah.
In the gospels, Jesus never refers to "the Book of Jonah" but only "the sign of Jonah," referring to a way to understand the point and purpose of his miraculous signs and the public's cry for more and more, which only ticks Jesus off.

Another claim of the documentary: An ossuary is found that contains the inscription, “Judah, Son of Jesus.” Jesus’ son would have been a target of arrest/crucifixion because Jesus was a rival to the throne. This is why John the Baptist is beheaded, as well as his brother, James, is later stoned. Furthermore, when Jesus speaks to Mary from the cross, he is actually telling Mary Magdalene to “Behold your son,” or, to protect their son, Judah, not speaking to his mother about the beloved disciple.
Even if some people might have seen Jesus in such a simplistic light - as a rival to the throne (either Herod's or the Roman emperor) - this was not the reason John the Baptist is beheaded. He was arrested because he was making his own enemies with no help from Jesus, and King Herod, in his revelry and lust, offered a young woman (traditionally known as Salome) anything she wanted, for which her mother instructed her to ask for the Baptist's head on a platter. Herod did this not to get at Jesus, but because he was stupid. In that same way, James was killed for preaching Jesus as God, not because he was the guy's brother. That would have been against Roman law and even the twisted Jewish law to arrest and kill a man simply for being some annoying guy's brother. Finally, the part about Jesus actually speaking to Mary Magdalene from the cross ... you know, I'll let you poke holes in that yourself, because this paragraph will become far too long if I do it.

Because of the collection of names, despite all of them being extremely common, it is strong evidence that this is Jesus’ family.
The person who originally discovered the tomb and inspected the ossuaries, a world-renowned archaeologist named Amos Kloner, insists these are the most common of names of this time in Jewish history, and that the inference is ridiculous. Jacobovici includes a segment in the doc that shows an ungrounded formula a professor puts together to determine the likelihood of the tomb belonging to Jesus and his family, apparently believing this will tie up loose ends and sway doubters. Unfortunately, the reasons for constructing each part of the formula are left out, and the answer (600 to 1) is still coupled with hearsay devoid of real scientific and archaeological testimony to even begin to appear as "strong evidence."

In addition to all of these things, Jacobovici and his investigative partner, a professor at UNC, appeared on a forum after the documentary aired. The forum was facilitated by Ted Koppel and also included first, two archeology professors, and then three theological professors, who all had serious doubts about both the science behind the investigation as well as the inferences of the documentary regarding religious and Christian issues and beliefs. Jacobovici must have frustratingly admitted to being "a journalist" and "a filmmaker" about ten times each over the course of the hour forum, and also claimed his documentary was merely something to spark debate of the findings. And, of course, he and his buddy have every right to defend their findings. The problem, though, is that every part of the documentary screams "entertainment" over "science," and "generalization" over "archaeologically-sound conclusions." My favorite quote was by one of the archeology professors who called the documentary "archeo-porn." Honestly, in my opinion, it came across as something not far from that.

So I suppose the debate will go on for a little while. Personally, I think the findings are interesting but the inferences of Jacobovici and his "team" are almost unquestionably ridiculous. If Indiana Jones had been there, and please pardon my single use of a curse - he'd have bitch-slapped Jacobovici (and maybe, if I am lucky, James Cameron) back into 1980 when real archaeologists concluded that the tomb was interesting, but certainly not a world-shaking discovery.

The Envelope Report 2007: Al Gore Invades the Oscars

2007-02-26T12:15:00.000-06:00

There were two themes touted supremely at last Sunday's 79th annual Academy Awards. The first was a much more serious celebration of the nominees as opposed to only the winners (Nice!). The second was Al Gore.

Now, of course, the environment was actually the second "theme," but Al Gore kept popping up so much (audience shots, on stage, presenting, in gushing thank-yous from award winners, etc.) that I seriously began to think he might be able, by the end of the night, to claim he also invented the Oscars, and people might actually believe him this time. Seriously, I'm not trying to be partisan here, nor am I trying to rip on Gore and his concern for the environment. Truthfully, I'm impressed by some of the things he has done, and even though I have yet to watch the now award-winning An Inconvenient Truth, (it just doesn't seem to be that feel good movie you want to rent on a Friday night after a long week), I do indeed plan on viewing it soon.

However, is it just me, or is anyone else sick of watching Hollywood fawn all over their favorite politicians, as well as pretend to be the leaders in cultural and political change, as if they know so much more about how everything works - at the highest levels - than the normal American? As much as I do believe global warming is a serious issue that should be dealt with more deeply and actively, I find it hard to listen to Hollywood affirm Gore's words, which were spoken from the stage after he co-accepted the Best Documentary award when the actual director became too choked up with worshipful affirmations for the former Vice President that he had to let Gore take over the thank-yous. He called global warming a "moral issue" rather than a "political issue." True. And I'm glad Hollywood, with their first-ever "green" broadcast of the Academy Awards, could make sure we Earth-dwellers would come out of our pollutive stupor to wise up and stop destroying the planet. It is interesting, though, that the ones preaching to us about this are Hollywood elite, who cause uber amounts of waste in trash, fumes, electricity, etc. on every movie set they work on. As Jon Stewart added on Monday's The Daily Show, Los Angeles is a town filled with so much smog and waste-mindedness that it staggers the mind when one finds him or herself taking their moral lessons about the environment from one of its representatives.

Rant over ... for now. All in all, it was an interesting, if not slightly boring, Academy Awards show. Ellen DeGeneres did well when they gave her time to talk, and most of the people that won deserved the win, though Melissa Etheridge taking home a Best Original Song award was a bit of a surprise for a song that sounds more like she is singing from the perspective of someone who has been "woken up" for years and is scolding the rest of us for our complacency.

Finally, the biggest shock of the night, in my opinion, was not the announcement of winners, but the complete snubbing of the film, Wonder Boys, from the film montage compiled to illustrate the life and struggles of writers. An Oscar nominee itself, it was totally left out of the montage despite the fact that several key scenes and/or lines would have fit perfectly. Granted, I'm a huge fan of the film, but come on, some films got six or seven clips in, and Curtis Hanson's amazing flick is shut-out?! Someone must pay...

Well, until next year, this concludes my reflection on the Academy Awards. Nothing left to do now but start searching for the stand-out films of 2007. Best early bets look to be on Reno 911: The Movie.
________________

Below are my picks of the winners - the ones I got right, and the ones I got wrong:

Correct - Best Supporting Actress, Best Original Screenplay, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing, Best Short Film - Live Action, Best Makeup, Best Film Editing, Best Documentary Feature, Best Cinematography, Best Animated Feature, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Director

Missed - Best Visual Effects, Best Original Song (surprise), Best Supporting Actor (surprise), Best Short Film - Animated, Best Original Score (should have known, but he ripped off music from Michael Mann's "The Insider"), Best Foreign Language, Best Documentary Short, Best Costume Design, Best Art Direction, and, of course, Best Picture

Click on this link to watch the hilarious musical sketch by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly.

The Inaugural Post: A Top 5 List Collection

2007-01-15T14:58:00.000-06:00

I can think of no better subject for an inaugural post on this new cultural blog than to celebrate the new year by looking ahead to one of my greatest earthly joys, movies. Indeed, to sink into a high-backed, upholstered seat in a dark, stadium-seating theater and be transported into another world - another story - is something I have always cherished. And the beginning of a new year is always an exciting time, as I surf the web for coming attractions. What new stories might I be indulging in this year?

To that end, I have put some overtime into my film-scouring, and have come up with several Top 5 lists categorized by genre. You will notice there are some categories not covered, such as Romantic Comedy/Love Story (I don't look forward to many of these simply because 95% of them are all the same and bore me), Foreign Films (harder to find out about), and Independent (also harder to read about a great deal in advance). But there are many others, and I hope that these lists give you some stories to which you too will look forward. Enjoy your perusal, and please visit this blog again for movie, book, music, and television reviews, as well as short articles on this beast we call Pop-Culture.

*I have left off the release date solely because many of them are still subject to change. However, most of these films are slated for a release sometime before next October.*

Top 5 Action/Adventure/Thriller:

1) 300 - What can I say about this film? The teaser trailer is almost worth the price of admission itself! Unless - and this is unlikely -it goes the way of movies such as Elizabethtown, X-Men: The Last Stand, and Sin City, whose trailers looked great but the actual films fell flat, 300 appears to be one of the most dazzling war epics in recent years. Everything about the trailer screams, "Cool!" The story in a nutshell: Inspired by Frank Miller's graphic novel, 300 tells the story of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, in which King Leonidas and 300 Spartan warriors fought valiantly to the death against Xerxes and his 10,000+ Persian horde, allowing the rest of Greece time to organize their own defenses. The theatrical trailer was also recently released as well.

2) Transformers: The Movie - It may be directed by the over-dramatic, slow-motion happy Michael Bay (Pearl Harbor, The Island, The Rock), but remember, this sucker is live-action, and hey, it could be worse. It could be a Go-Bots movie. Trailer.
3) Breach - Ryan Phillippe secretly investigates suspected government-traitor, Chris Cooper. Early reports are positive, and looks like a captivating, multi-faceted story. It just hit theaters this weekend.
4) The Last Legion - A Roman mythical epic, with Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley.
5) The Kingdom - Peter Berg (director of The Rundown and Friday Night Lights) helms this political investigation/war movie about a group of agents searching for a terrorist mastermind in the Middle East. Cast includes Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, and Jason Bateman.
Honorable Mention - Pathfinder - Mythically-charged film in which Native Americans clash with Vikings, starring Karl Urban, best known as Eomer of Rohan in The Lord of the Rings.

Top 5 Comedies

1) Fred Claus - It won't hit theaters until next Christmas, but just the idea of the sarcastic, irreverent Vince Vaughn playing the older brother of Santa Claus (Paul Giammati) is hysterical. The teaser trailer itself is hysterical and appears somewhat ad-libbed. Definitely a front runner for both comedy and holiday films.

2) Bee Movie - Jerry Seinfeld has finally decided to do a film (other than the captivating documentary Comedian of a few years ago). Though it is animated, this does not appear to be so much a family film as a scathing satire. Seinfeld voices Barry Bee Benson, a bee that escapes his life in the hive, befriends a florist in New York City, and, after discovering that humans eat honey, decides to sue the human race.
3) The Simpsons Movie - The title says it all. For those of you who weren't allowed to watch The Simpsons growing up, get over it. The show is satirical, not stupid, and irreverent in a way we desperately need. The movie, one hopes, will be just as good.
4) Blades of Glory - Will Ferrell and Jon Heder play disgraced figure skaters who find a loophole that will allow them to compete in the pairs competition.
5) Fast Track - Comedy about relationships, jealousy, and misunderstandings starring the forever-entertaining Zach Braff, Amanda Peet, and Jason Bateman.
Honorable Mention - License to Wed - It could be iffy, but this comedy about an engaged couple going through some very odd pre-marital counseling looks like it might be a winner, especially since it stars Robin Williams, Mandy Moore, and John Krasinski (The Office).

Top 5 Dramas

1) Reign Over Me - This one looks extremely promising. I've been intrigued with the few films that Adam Sandler has played dramatically, and when you add Don Cheadle into this story of two former college roommates reuniting when one (Sandler) has regressively withdrawn from social activity after his family is lost in the 9/11 attacks, I expect a very powerful film to unfold. This certainly looks like a movie to keep your eye on.

2) Rescue Dawn - A film written and directed by Werner Herzog (whose last film was the strange yet captivating documentary Grizzly Man), the story centers around a German-born U.S. fighter pilot, played by Christian Bale, who is downed over Laos and taken prisoner. He and his fellow POW's (Steve Zahn, Jeremy Davies) endure torture, starvation, and illness as they patiently wait for the right time to escape. This film boasts a powerful script and a talented cast, including Bale, who, I have always posited, cannot make a bad movie (except maybe Shaft, but that really wasn't his fault).
3) Trade - A Texas law enforcement officer (Kevin Kline) joins forces with a Mexican youth to track down the boy's sister who has been abducted and forced into prostitution and sexual slavery. A gripping trailer, this fast-paced political film looks to be in the vein of Traffic, Syriana, and Babel.
4) Reservation Road - A moving drama about two fathers, played by Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Ruffalo. After a terrible hit-and-run accident in which one father accidentally kills the other's son, they struggle to cope with the grief and guilt in themselves as well as their respective families. Jennifer Connolly and Mira Sorvino also star.
5) The Namesake - Born and raised in America, young Indian-American, Gogol (Kal Penn), clashes with his family's heritage and traditions, leading to complications between his Caucasian girlfriend (Jacinda Barrett), which inevitably leads Gogol into a spiritual journey in an effort to come to terms with his own identity.
Honorable Mention - Civic Duty - An American accountant, weary from the incessant reports and focus on terrorism in a post-9/11 world, becomes increasingly uneasy when an unattached Muslim graduate student moves in next door. Stars Six Feet Under's Peter Krause and The West Wing's Richard Schiff.

Top 5 Mysteries

1) First Snow - Guy Pearce (Memento, The Proposition) plays Jimmy Munson, a fast-talking salesmen with big ideas, including one that is sure to make him rich. Unfortunately for Jimmy, his car breaks down in a small desert town and, to pass the time, he visits a roadside fortune-teller. Soon, the soothsayer (J.K. Simmons) is recoiling in horror when he determines through the cards that Jimmy is to die before the first snow falls. With little time left, Jimmy plunges into a psychological nightmare as he seeks to alter the present to change his future. Piper Perabo and William Fichtner also star.

2) Zodiac - The second movie on any of these lists to come out (only a few weeks), this film by David Fincher (Seven, Fight Club) sports a strong cast and an eerie atmosphere as the story of the four men who get caught up in the baffling search for the Zodiac killer, one of the most notorious serial killers in U.S. history. As the killer taunts police with puzzles and letters, the four men's careers are built and destroyed by the investigation. Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., and Mark Ruffalo star.
3) Fracture - A young attourney, Ryan Gosling, becomes tangled in a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a man (Sir Anthony Hopkins) who murders his wife but is set free by mistrial.
4) The Lookout - Joseph Gordon Levitt (Brick, television's Third Rock from the Sun) and Jeff Daniels head up the cast in a story about a once promising athelete who, after a tragic accident, takes a job as a bank janitor, hoping to go about his sad life in peace and anonimity. Unfortunately, he gets caught up in a planned heist.
5) Jindabyne - A group of friends on a fishing trip make the morally-questionable decision not to report their discovery of a dead woman's body. One of the wives (Laura Linney) has difficulty understanding their decision. The movie is based on Raymond Carver's short story, "So Much Water So Close to Home," and also stars Gabriel Byrne.
Honorable Mention - The Invasion - also being called The Visiting, this looks like a promising body-snatchers premise, starring Nicole Kidman.

Top 5 Horror/Suspense Films

1) 1408 - John Cusack plays a skeptic who investigates a haunted house, based on a story by Stephen King. Now, normally such a tired premise would not tempt me, but Cusack has only done one other suspense/mystery film, Identity, and it was quite good. So, add Stephen King, and this one sounds almost as exciting as if they were making Grosse Pointe Blank 2.

2) The Number 23 - Jim Carrey has proven he can do drama (Man on the Moon, The Truman Show), but he hasn't yet ventured into the realm of suspense and mystery. However, the trailer seems to reveal a very intruiging and creepy story. I know that after I see this one, I'm going to start adding, subtracting, and dividing things, and I hate math, not to mention those pesky prime numbers. It is the first movie on this list to come out (next weekend), not counting Breach.
3) The Invisible - The young actor, Justin Chatwin, who plays the main character, Nick, in this film is a pretty good young talent. He did well in The Chumscrubber and the big-budget stinker War of the Worlds. And the story looks interesting: how do you alert people to your missing and slowly dying body when you're outside of it?
4) Vacancy - Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale have the oldest plot set-up in the horror/suspense book happen to them. Their car breaks down and they are forced to stay the night at a secluded roadside motel. While entertaining themselves with the room's television, they suddenly notice that the horror movies they are watching all contain murders that take place in their very room. Will they be next? ... Yes, it's a pretty scarce crop of suspense movies out there right now.
5) Skinwalkers - Werewolf movie. For me, enough said. My favorite movie monster, and I'm still on the lookout for a well-made one. I'm allowing this one to make the list for two reasons: blind hope that someone will finally get a werewolf movie right (Underworld, Cursed, and An American Werewolf in Paris all sucked), and because, as I mentioned, this film category looks a little scarce right now. The website has still not added a trailer, and the two pictures make it look lame, but it may still be worth watching, like the straight to video Dog Soldiers of a few years ago (the problem with that one was it was a war movie disguised as a werewolf film).
Honorable Mention - Mr. Brooks - I'm not sure what to make of this film yet. It falls best in the Suspense category (though a bit morbidly existential), and boasts a pretty interesting cast (though, seriously, Dane Cook? He better get killed off if the film wants to maintain credibility). However, it's going to either be an entertaining hit, or a laughably lame disaster.

Top 5 Family Films

1) Evan Almighty - Tom Shadyac, director of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Bruce Almighty, and professing Christian, helms this follow up to the latter film with a different look at the story of Noah. Steve Carrell reprises his character of Evan from the first Almighty film as a new congressman who is visited by God (once again played by Morgan Freeman) and asked to build an ark. *Note - for those of you biblical sticklers who want to whine about how God promised never to destroy the world again with a flood (so says the Good Book), I hear your objection, but from what I've read, this film is a reimagining of the actual flood, not suggesting a second diluge).
2) The Last Mimzy - An interesting little suburban fantasy about children with some strange magical powers. It looks well done, and, c'mon, it stars Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office) among others. To be honest, it looks kind of like Donnie Darko for children.
3) Shrek the Third - The next Shrek hosts the return of the same funny voices: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, and John Cleese. But, look out, they've added Justin Timberlake to the mix. Finally the annoying, rich-boy-who-pretends-to-be-a-bad-boy-when-he's-really-just-slumming-for-money-and-more-fame animated character we've all been waiting for in the Shrek movies.
4) Enchanted - The luminous and beautiful Amy Adams (Oscar-nominee for Junebug, Talladega Nights) plays a beatiful princess who is accidentally transported to the present time and falls in love with a successful city boy. It looks like a sweet little fairy tale with a modern twist, and will probably be enjoyable where Kate and Leopold was just friggin' annoying (but then again, that's because Meg Ryan is just friggin' annoying).
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - I don't have to introduce this movie. Everyone's waiting on it. Hopefully, Daniel Ratcliff's (Harry) voice has fully changed after puberty. Here's the newest trailer.
Honorable Mention - Ratatouille - The very funny, if a little crude and obscene, comedian, Patton Oswalt, voices a French rat whose hijinks land him in hot water in the restaurant kitchen he calls his home. Probably will be dumb, but you never know with animated films these days. It is a Disney/Pixar release though.

Top 5 Sequels

1) Spiderman 3 - These have just been the cream of the crop when it comes to comic book hero movies, especially since Hollywood crapped out the last X-men film. Even though Spiderman 2 was a bit too melodramatic, and Kirsten Dunst looked horrible throughout (seriously, does anyone really find her that captivating?), it was still top-notch, and the third installment looks awesome and boasts a great cast, both new and returning. Oscar-nominee (for Sideways)Thomas Hadyn Church joins the cast as Sandman, as does Topher Grace (Venom) and the unbelievably beautiful Bryce Dallas Howard (seriously, Peter Parker - go for Bryce. She puts Kirsten to shame...).

2) Live Free or Die Hard - John McClane is back, and idiotic manly men everywhere simultaneously sit up and grunt. But the testosterone surge is certainly understood. The Dia Hard franchise seems to be that action movie series that just gets better with age, like fine wine ... well, fine, barefoot and bloody, exploding wine, that is. This time around, Bruce Willis is joined by a young, wise-cracking computer hacker played by the always fun Justin Long (television's Ed, Jeepers Creepers, the Mac commercials).
3) Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End - The first film was amazing. The second was amazingly awful. Allow me a few lines to explain: Hollywood sequels have become like television series season finales. They must have a cliffhanger ending that leads you into the next film. However, normally this only happens in the second film as it prepares for the third. Because of this, the first films normally are the best, mainly because they don't overdue the plot, they don't pack in too many details that are too difficult to sort out, and they don't try to ensure a captivated fan base by tacking on a cliffhanger. They are simply good stories that entertain. When will Hollywood realize that if you make a good, self-contained movie, we will come see the next one whether there is a cliffhanger or not? The first Pirates film did this, as did The Matrix and Spiderman, but the latter was the only one not to disappear up its own butt in confusion while trying to keep its audience in subsequent sequels. Let's just hope the absolute mess that was the second Pirates film will be sorted out in the third. I mean, seriously, is there anyone who is intrigued by Elizabeth (Kiera Knightley) falling for Captain Jack? Snore...
4) Ocean's 13 - It's beginning to seem like there have been 13 of these films instead of just three. Yes, the great Al Pacino is joining the cast as who I believe will be Terry Benedict's (Andy Garcia) father, and all of the team is returning as well (though they are keeping the presence of Julia and Catherine under wraps), but the heist needs to be a lot more intriguing than the one running through Ocean's Twelve, or there's going to be a theater full of bored moviegoers.
5) 28 Weeks Later - The first one was pretty freaky, and I often find my nightmares cast zombies as the stalking monster I am hardly amble to elude. However, I am interested to see how this one does, since they are moving ahead with the story of London being decimated by a disease that renders innocent citizens into flesh-eating zombies. It may turn into a shoot-'em-up, gore movie like Dawn of the Dead, which would be a disappointment when compared to the first one, but the entertaining and frightful premise may hold tough.
Honorable Mention - Bean 2 - Okay, okay, I admit it, I not only enjoyed the first Bean, I own the VHS. But really, I just threw this one in as a joke. However, Rowan Atkinson is a funny man, and this film, which of course involves some level of mistaken identity regarding Mr. Bean, will probably hold a few chuckles.

Well, that's it for now. A lot of movies didn't make the cut because they either looked crappy, didn't appear to be my cup o' tea, or there was not enough information available about them upon crafting this post. But, I hope the information contained in this inaugural blog entry will be something that can help shape your plans as you enter into 2007's movie-going experiences.

Don't forget about the Academy Awards next weekend!